DISCLAIMER: This entry…is going to be all over the place. Bear with me 🙂
For those of you who don’t know..my name is Whitney Love and to say that I am a makeup enthusiast is to say that the Pacific Ocean is damp. My fervor for all things beauty related has been a part of who I am for as long as I can remember. I can’t even tell you HOW many times I was grounded for sneaking into my mother’s room when I was in about fourth grade and boosting the better part of her makeup collection while she slept or cooked dinner. In elementary school, I used to trade my toys, clothes, lunch, ANYTHING I had for Teen and Seventeen magazines that I would pour over for hours studying the beautiful models faces and reading all about the different products that I was “way too young to use”. In middle school I was late for many a class because I was layering on my friends powder and lip gloss in the girls room between periods and then almost missed the bus everyday because I had to run back into the aforementioned ladies room and scrub my face of evidence before I got home. Try as she might, my mother was not going to keep me away from makeup.
In 8th grade I was finally allowed to wear it and all hell broke loose. I mean, I was a weird kid already but this certainly didnt help matters. I would spend hours (and I do mean HOURS) in my room writing in my diary, making mix tapes off the radio, and putting makeup on. Music, makeup, and writing? Guess some things never change. I was obsessed. Growing up I was bullied a lot and one of the things I caught the most flack for was my little pre occupation with makeup. The fact that I spent so much time putting it on and playing with it INSTANTLY made me “stuck up” or “conceited” Which couldn’t have been further from the truth, I was just fascinated with the stuff. THAT is something that hasn’t changed..for whatever reason people draw a line between loving make up and being superficial, shallow, or “fake”. This is something I will never understand. If I were an aspiring chef would that make me glutinous?
Obviously, my passion for makeup has only grown from there. I am proud (and SO HAPPY) to report that on Tuesday I had my very first day of Makeup School. For the first time ever I felt like I was around a bunch of people who were just like me. At night, I can barely sleep because I am so excited to go. The people I attend class with are amazing and really make the whole experience that much more special and fun for me. THere is an energy that over comes me everyday when I show up that makes me feel ALIVE.
I feel so blessed. So lucky. Not everyone gets the chance to do what they love for a living. Not everyone is lucky enough to even HAVE a passion to begin with.
I have found my bliss.
Dont get me wrong, I still have a long long LONG way to go. The dreams I have for my future are so big that at times they seem flat-out impossible. So big, that sometimes I feel foolish for having them to begin with. So big, that it seems easier to give up than to even attempt to take a step in that direction. But, at the same time…its an AMAZING thing. It sparks my creativity. Like my surroundings and I are two pieces of flint being struck together. It makes me feel like a real live girl. Everyday holds so much potential that its overwhelming. In a breath takingly, jaw droppingly, wondrously, freaky-beautiful kind of way. It would be stupid not to take a moment to look around me and really FEEL thankful. I don’t think any greatness can ever really be achieved if you aren’t capable of feeling gratitude first.
For about a year now, I have been on a spiritual journey of sorts. Last year was by far the worst I had ever had. It was becoming more and more difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. To see ANYTHING at the end of the tunnel. Nothing mattered anymore. I found solace in the darkness of my thoughts. Until one morning, I woke up and thought “The circumstances around me are NOT ideal, but they aren’t going to define me or destroy me ANYMORE”. I knew I would never be able to deal with or improve things in my life if I didn’t think I had the ability or lacked the will to do so. I began reading lots of stuff about enlightenment, The Buddha, and attaining a positive mental attitude. The more I read, the more I understood that my happiness was one hundred and ten percent in MY HANDS. No one and nothing around me could ever bring me any kind of happiness or content if I couldn’t first make myself happy.
It didn’t happen over night at all. But one day I looked around me (in the middle of a busy and normally stressful shift at work) and just felt HAPPY. In a way that I can’t explain. I appreciated everyone and everything around me so much more in that instant than I ever had before. Somehow it just all clicked. Everything seemed connected to me at that point and from that moment on it just didn’t make sense to let myself be miserable anymore. I opened my mind up to different schools of thought on different philosophical, spiritual, and motivational ways of looking at life every day through different things that I was reading. Everything around me was beautiful, and special, and important.
Once I did, my life changed in SO many ways. I don’t know if it was because I was OPEN to it. I don’t know if I manifested the changes through positive thoughts and optimistic attidude..simply believing it would get better. I don’t know why any of it happened but it did. And it has continued to every single day since then. I wish this for everyone. I hope that all of you have all that you want in life. I hope all of your loved ones have all that THEY want in life. Because you can. And because you deserve it. If I can do it, anyone can. Not to say that my journey is complete or that my life is EXACTLY where I want it…but it is getting there.
Below is a commercial that Levis came out with around the time I was going through all this. Dont get me wrong, I’m not trying to sell you these jeans, in fact I havent bought a pair since I saw it. But every time I see it I get chills. It never stops inspiring me.
Every day when I get ready for school I think about. Every day when I’m driving there and the sun is shining and the Las Vegas skyline is RIGHT there looking scary, and promising, and wonderful I think about it. Every time I see or speak to someone I love I think about it. When my days are good and when my days are bad I stop and think about the fact that my ENTIRE life changed the second my MIND did.
ANNNYWAYS, told ya it would be kinda random. But Im feeling very blessed and wanted to share some thoughts with you guys. Hope all is AMAZING with you and yours 🙂
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