So, as some of you know I have lived here in Vegas for almost ONE FULL YEAR. I’m not going to lie, the adjustment period was a bit rough. I’m quite sure there really is no other place like Las Vegas in the whole wide world. As lovely and fun and exciting as it can be here, it can also be a bit draining. There’s SO many people here and most of them are trying to BE someone and GO somewhere. If you’re very lucky you meet some amazing people who not only share your passion but are also supportive and want to see you succeed then you’ve won half the battle here. Sounds simple right? Well…not always. I’m fortunate enough to live just far away from the strip and all its madness that I never have to see/deal with it unless I absolutely want to. And you would be surprised at how rare an occassion that is.
I spent the first six months or so here really trying to figure out the area and how to go about starting a career here. Makeup artistry already has the potential to be an up hill battle without benefit of being a brand new person in a great big city. At first it was very discouraging and to say there was NO MONEY coming in was a HUGE understatement. But the first step in this industry is beginning your portfolio and having a body of work to share with potential clients. That took up most of my time. Although I enjoyed it..it was hard work and sometimes I found myself wondering what the point was in the first place. Who was I to think that I could make this happen? What made my work so great? Arent there already a million fabulous makeup artists in the surrounding area who are MUCH better connected and heaps more talented than I?
I’ve had door slammed in my face, been presented and promised opportunities that ultimately lead to no where but utter disappointment for me. I can’t even count how many times I wanted to quit. How many times I cried over the sheer frustration of it all. In my personal life my career has the potential to help me with a lot of things that I have been struggling with for quite some time..mostly in relation to my family. So the pressure to succeed has been even that much worse. I just know what it means to fail at this at this point and let me just say…failure is NOT an option.
I’ve struggled with this feeling that others around me (either professionally or personally) havent the SLIGHTEST idea how important this is to me. This isn’t about lip gloss and mascara. It’s not about flashing lights and who’s who. It’s about a dream I have had for as long as I can remember. It’s about an un-explainable passion and relentless need to do my best and be my best in my chosen career field no matter WHAT it is. I’ve felt kinda ALONE in this….I’m pretty sure it’s all in my head but I feel like no one understands how much I want it. How seriously I take it. And how it’s not just some silly little hobby.
At this point…I feel like there is a chance things are FINALLY going to turn around. I almost hesitate to say that at all because..I dont want to jinx anything. At this point all I can do is my best and work as hard as I know how to. At this point…negativity and my competitive nature are going to do NOTHING but harm me. At this point I have learned that whether I like it or not, things are going to happen whichever way they are intended to happen and no amount of stressing and beating myself up about it is going to help or change anything. At this point…I have learned that my art is MY art and I can’t compare myself to other people’s levels of skill or quantity of success. At this point…Im going to do what I do best and try to enjoy the journey. Keep my head up and stay grounded. Who knows? Maybe this will be that point in my career where things were JUST about to turn around and take me where I want to go!
Sorry if this blog was a downer…but I just really wanted to give an update about how things are going and how I am feeling about them. I hope all is well with you and yours!